The beginning of “us” was sudden like an ocean wave that swept me off my feet. And I fell. The ending of “us” also arrived abruptly, and everything was blurry
Nevertheless, I am grateful for our peaceful and graceful ending. The ending with Vy, Denise, and Quân were far more disruptive, and, perhaps, damaging.
It is December of 2025. Since my youngest aunt passed away in Nov 2015, the clock made a full cycle of a decade . I left Vy, Denise left me. I left Quân and Jolie left “us”. At least, I was able to make it through the very end of “us”. I fought for “us” until the very last moment, which was something I was never able to do with Vy, Denise and Quân.
This is a very special photo. It is blurry but as I walked to the pre-wed photo spot of us, I captured this shot, which made the very last moment mine time where I gave up the old me, forgo all memories, in order to step into another chapter with Jolie. In this frame, there were 2 other couples further away in the frame. I silently said to myself, goodbye my Quan and Vy, I will always carry you in my heart via film and light. And, so I jumped in the following chapter with all my heart and mind.
There was River Oak Apartments among our many frames. People often said that a painting or a photo often reflects the internal world of its creator. Most of my photo frames during this chapter carry with them a sense of sadness, nostalgia, hopeful yet hopeless at the same time, and most of all, loneliness. I felt that I had lost something of self. The shadow in me has been crying since 2020.
2022 passed by so quickly. 2023 arrived with a brief joy in Hawaii and then it quickly descended into chaos throughout year with its peak on July 23 2023. I fought so hard to maintain my sanity, via painting with light.
This frame, an empty parking lot, reflected a deep sense of loneliness and hopelessness. I couldn’t remember whether this was when I hop on a bus from San Jose To LA or I drove in by myself. This frame has me with my sadness, frozen in time. I was literally wandering around while Jolie was at a beauty salon. It sounded like a casual Saturday day of a couple; however, I could stop the feeling of the end is near. A few months later, November 2023, at night, I walked through this parking lot again, smiling and crying. I told myself “you abandoned me in that restaurant. I know why you did what you did , but what about me?”.
Time continued to move on 2023 through 2024.
I did something called, a trip down memory lane. On November 26 2024, I went up to Mount Rubidoux exactly 3 years after November 26 2021. Same location, different timeline. I ventured into many places where there was memory of us. At the time of these photos, I couldn’t understand why I was doing all these. At the time of this post, I knew that I was saying farewell, for the last time, to a big chapter of my life.
Our journey splits between the Verdant and South Shore Apartments – the Alameda.
These frames were captured in the early months of 2025. I took a walk from Jolie’s apartment, while cat sitting, to Alameda cute/small downtown. Every time I said good bye to our cats Peach, Butter and Mochi, I would cry, as if my shadow had already known that the end of us had already happened, and I was stubborning clinging to some pieces of memories.
Finally, as each of us is soaring away. I pray that all of us will find happiness, and peace.
and so, I said goodbye to all of us, to a version of me. I shall carry all of you, our memories, in my heart. Thank for coming into my life, to let me know what love is.
